Simp

Pimps and simps would fall in from here and there and everywhere, grabbing thousand-dollar advances from the madames and leaving their lady friends in pawn.

Groggy from my nap I turn on the TV and try to watch.... Morons and simps appear in the screen, drool like pinheads and waterheads....

By a cruel irony, however, the elitist power serves the secret ends of the masses whom they despise. The real snobs are the people. The real simps are the intellectuals.

This list has been limited to members and cohorts of the Clinton administration, those simps and ninnies, lava-lamp liberals and condo pinks, spoiled twerps, wiffenpoofs, ratchet-jawed purveyors of monkey doodle and baked wind, piddlers upon merit, beggars at the door of accomplishment, thieves of livelihood, envy-coddling tax lice applauding themselves for their magnanimity with the money of others, their nose in virtue's bum.

“What a simp I am. I can't believe I left it at home.” She leans her forehead against her locker, straightens, and then turns to me. “Can you believe what a simp I am?"

The JEWS own this country, the IRISH run it, the BRITISH envy it, the GERMANS cuss it, the NEGROES enjoy it, the FRENCH style and perfume it, the CHINESE wash it, BOOTLEGGERS irrigate it, the GREEKS feed and shine it, the JAPS fear it, MEXICANS hate it, RUSSIANS pity it, the ITALIANS fruit it, ALL NATIONS cigarette it, EVERYBODY likes it, and the AMERICANS—well, those poor simps just pay the bills and can keep out of jail if they behave themselves and are very careful about their driving and parking.

All of this, inspired by hypersensitive simps who never once had to demonstrate that, by reasonable standards, they had been victimized in any way.

A real pimp is a gentleman, but these are pimps in gorilla suits. They hang around pimps, they have hoes on the track working for them, they may even look like pimps, but they are straight simps.